亚博：脑洞年夜开 网友清点各支球队最不幸状态

The most unfortunate things that could happen to each NBA team this year

我们来清点一下下赛季NBA 所有球队能遭受的最悲凉的工作吗？

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Atlanta Hawks - Trae Young goes fully bald and becomes so unsightly that he doesnt come anywhere close to being the draw Atlanta drafted him to be

亚特兰年夜老鹰——特雷-杨没能成为老鹰,反而成了秃鹫,完全泯然世人而且和老鹰选他时的预期相差甚远.

Boston Celtics - Gordon Hayward breaks his other ankle in a completely unrelated injury

波士顿凯尔特人——海沃德再次毁伤了他的另外一个脚踝,并且和前次的伤病毫无关系.

Brooklyn Nets - Make the playoffs after having their first round pick for the first time in years

布鲁克林篮网——这么多年关在有了本身球队的首轮选秀权,可是球队打进了季后赛.

Charlotte Hornets - Kemba Walker has a change of heart and demands a trade to L.A. before promptly being traded to the Raptors

夏洛特黄蜂——肯巴-沃克变心要求被买卖到洛杉矶,可是终究被仓皇买卖到了猛龙.

Chicago Bulls - Wendell Carter Jr. busts hard

芝加哥公牛——温德尔-卡特完全水失落.

Cleveland Cavaliers - look like a playoff team until the trade deadline , promptly losing every game afterward and are no longer able to sell assets while their value is high

克利夫兰骑士——在买卖截止日之前像一支季后赛球队,然后截止日曩昔以后每场都输,球员身价年夜跳水底子买卖不出去.

Dallas Mavericks - Deandre Jordan demands trade to LA Clippers

达拉斯独行侠——小乔丹要求本身被买卖回快船.

Denver Nuggets - Michael Porter Jr 's back problems become worse. Gary Harris inexplicably also begins to have back problems.

丹佛掘金——迈克尔-波特的背部问题变得加倍严重了,加里-哈里斯稀里糊涂呈现背伤.

Detroit Pistons - Blake Griffin has a healthy season and hes fuckin trash lmao

底特律活塞——格里芬全部赛季都很健康,然后打得乌烟瘴气哈哈哈哈.

Golden State Warriors - Demarcus Cousins turns out to be super bad after returning from injury. Then go on to lose one game in the finals after sweeping through the western conference

金州勇士——考辛斯伤愈回来以后打得乌烟瘴气,这致使勇士在横扫西部以后还在总决赛上输了一场角逐.

Houston Rockets - Melo refuses to come off the bench. Chris Paul once again gets injured. Carmelo starts at point guard , posting a usage rate of 850% and averaging 5 passes per game. Mike D 'antoni resigns as head coach

休斯顿火箭——甜瓜谢绝打替补,保罗又受伤了,安东尼打控卫然后利用率高达850%,场均五次助攻,德安东尼辞去主锻练职位.

Indiana Pacers - Victor Oladipo and Tyreke Evans both turn out to have had a one hit wonder year last season. Team misses playoffs

印第安纳步行者——事实证实奥拉迪波和泰瑞克-埃文斯上赛季只是好景不常,球队没能打进季后赛.

Los Angeles Clippers - I dont even know who is on this team besides Lou Williams. One of Lou Williams girlfriends gives him AIDS. Lou Williams dies

洛杉矶快船——我不知道这支球队除路易斯-威廉姆斯还谁,那最不利的工作就是路威此中的一个女友沾染给了他艾滋,然后路威死了吧.

Los Angeles Lakers - Miss out on Kahwi this offseason. Lonzo Ball and Kyle Kuzma proceed to drop a disstrack on Lebron so viscious that he quits basketball and they are both traded. Brandon Ingram is the only one left

洛杉矶湖人——下个休赛期错过了莱昂纳德,朗佐-鲍尔和凯尔-库兹马预备出个说唱来Diss 詹姆斯,然后直接BB 到詹姆斯退役,最后他们两个也被买卖了,球队只有英格拉姆.

Memphis Grizzlies - Who cares

孟菲斯灰熊——谁特么在意这支球队.

Miami Heat - Hassan Whiteside is given the greenlight to shoot 3s and starts every game of the season. Proceeds to shoot 90% on 5 attempts per game. Kelly Olynyk goes to prison

迈阿密热火——哈桑-怀特塞德获得三分线外无穷开仗权,每场都打首发,成果他每场出手5 个三分,射中率只有90%,凯利-奥利尼克被抓到牢狱里去了.

Milwaukee Bucks - 5th seed. Giannis Anteaterkumquat demands a trade to the Los Angeles Lakers and is traded to the Raptors

密尔沃基雄鹿——又是东部第五,扬尼斯-安德啥啥啥博想被买卖到洛杉矶湖人,成果被买卖到了猛龙.

Minnesota Timberwolves - Andrew Wiggins and Jimmy Butler get into a fist fight on opening night. Jimmy Butler is defeated. Andrew Wiggins asserts himself as the alpha male in the locker room. Work ethic drops to 00%. The entire team is then traded for former Bulls Players. Derrick Rose wins MVP and injures his ACL in the first round against the 8th seeded 76ers

明尼苏达丛林狼——维金斯和巴特勒在开赛夜年夜打出手,巴特勒被狂揍,维金斯称本身为球队老迈,球队完全掉去节制,然后所有人都被买卖,整支球队换成了老公牛,罗斯再次成为MVP 然后在首轮对阵东部第八的76 人时扯破了前交叉韧带.

New Orleans Pelicans - Elfrid Payton removes a meticulously crafted hair cap , revealing that he never actually cut his hair.

新奥尔良鹈鹕——小佩顿抛却了本身精心打造的飞机头发型,暗示他历来没有剪过甚发.

New York Knicks - Exist

纽约尼克斯——存在自己就很不幸.

Oklahoma City Thunder - Paul George demands a trade to L.A., is traded to the Raptors.

俄克拉荷马雷霆——保罗-乔治要求被买卖到湖人,成果仍是被买卖到了猛龙.

Orlando Magic - Mo Bamba wins rookie of the year. Is traded for Demar Derozan and a future second round pick

奥兰多魔术——班巴成为最好新秀,成果被用来买卖德罗赞和一个将来的次轮选秀权.

Philadelphia 76ers - Markelle Fultz returns with a new and improved jumpshot. He immediately forgets how to shoot again upon watching Ben Simmons attempt one three pointer during practice. Joel Embiid breaks his leg.

费城76 人——富尔茨以全新面孔复出,成果看到本-西蒙斯投了个三分以后又健忘怎样投篮了,恩比德腿断了.

Phoenix Suns - Relocate to the actual Sun to become the Sun Suns. The entire team burns to death

菲尼克斯太阳——整支球队搬到真实的太阳上然后成为太阳太阳队,全队被烧死了.

Portland Trailblazers - Make no moves ever. Swept in first round

波特兰开辟者——休赛期啥都没做然后第一轮被横扫.

Sacremento Kings - Marvin Bagley turns out to be worse than Luka Doncic. Vlade Divac kills himself. James Dolan becomes head of basketball operations

萨克拉门托国王——马文-巴格利证实比卢卡-东契奇更垃圾,迪瓦茨自杀,然后詹姆斯-多兰运营接收球队事务.

San Antonio Spurs - Demar Derozan falls in love with a big ol woman. Demar Derozan becomes fat to make her feel better about herself. They get married. Demar Derozan is then traded to the Orlando Magic and cannot bring his wife with him.

圣安东尼奥马刺——德玛尔-德罗赞与圣城肥老女人坠入爱河,德罗赞为了让她高兴变得肥胖,然后他们成婚了,德罗赞被买卖到了魔术而且不克不及带着他妻子一路去.

注：巴克利称圣安东尼奥都是肥胖的老女人.魔术在2000 年曾很是接近获得邓肯,因为里弗斯不答应邓肯携带家眷前去奥兰多,让邓肯对魔术掉去了爱好.

Toronto Raptors - Kawhi Leonard demands a trade to L.A. once again and is traded to the Toronto Raptors. A Raptors superteam is established with Paul George , Kemba Walker , Giannis , Kawhi Leonard , And Kyle Lowry. They are swept in the second round.

猛龙：莱昂纳德要求被买卖到洛杉矶,成果又被买卖到了猛龙,猛龙构成了乔治+肯巴-沃克+字母哥+莱昂纳德+洛瑞的宇宙无敌声势,最后仍是在第二轮被横扫了.

Utah Jazz - Donovan Mitchell makes derogatory comments towards mormons on accident. Is traded to the 76ers for Robert Covington to avoid backlash. Rudy Gobert once again sings "these hoes aint loyal" on his Instagram story

犹他爵士——多诺万-米切尔失慎颁发了贬损摩门教的谈吐,他被买卖到76 人用来换考文顿,为的就是避免剧烈的社会反映,戈贝尔在Ins 上唱歌说米切尔不虔诚.

注：2017 年休赛期海沃德与凯尔特人签约以后,戈贝尔在Ins 上颁发本身唱歌视频暗讽海沃德不虔诚.

Washington Wizards - Locker Room shootout

华盛顿奇才——更衣室枪击案又来一次.

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[–]RaptorsSquirtleGetsWet 3907 指標 7 天前

A Raptors superteam is established with Paul George , Kemba Walker , Giannis , Kahwi Leonard , And Kyle Lowry

:D

They are swept in the second round.

:(

猛龙球迷：

当我看到："乔治+肯巴-沃克+字母哥+莱昂纳德+洛瑞的宇宙无敌声势" 时

我笑了！

当我看到第二轮被横扫时

我哭了……

[–][TOR ] DeMar DeRozanKyleAce98 936 指標 7 天前

It hurts because this would probably happen :(

猛龙球迷：最难熬的工作是这类工作真的可能产生.

[–]Knickskevinknix 795 指標 7 天前

By the Cavs

尼克斯球迷：并且仍是被骑士横扫哦.

[–][GSW ] JaVale McGeeashwinr136 461 指標 7 天前

After LeBron quits from the Lakers , he starts a one-man team. The Raptors get swept by the LeBron LeBrons.

勇士球迷：就在詹姆斯从湖人退役以后,他本身组织了一支一小我的球队,然后猛龙再次被勒布朗勒布朗队横扫.

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[–][WAS ] John WallDeleteNephew 1981 指標 7 天前

Lmao at the warriors. "Then go on to lose one game in the finals after sweeping through the western conference."

奇才球迷：我感觉最弄笑的仍是勇士阿谁："他们在横扫西部以后在总决赛上输失落了独一一场角逐."

[–]76erswaazaa 922 指標 7 天前

Should ’ve been like...

China Klay becomes a permanent thing and never to return again. Steph Curry somehow dies from foot fungus that spread onto his face and oral cavity. KD becomes a literal snake and gets donated to the San Diego Zoo. Dray is found dead in a party with a GSW (gunshot wound ) to the balls due to TT ’s natural sucker shooting motion

Then wins the finals in 6

76 人球迷：现实上最惨的工作是如许的……

中国汤完全被放置,然后没能答复状况,库里因为脸部和口腔真菌动人病逝,杜兰特真的酿成了一条蛇而且被捐募给圣迭戈动物园,追梦在一场集会中死在蛋蛋上的墙上,而这一切都来自TT 的天然攻击动作.

然后勇士4-2 夺冠.

[–]SupersonicsHaejang-guk 277 指標 7 天前

Kevon Looney 2019 Finals MVP ?

鲁尼博得了2019 年的FMVP ？

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[–]Knicksemoti0n 3223 指標 7 天前

New York Knicks - exist

yeah whatever dude lol

尼克斯球迷：

居然说尼克斯最不幸的工作就是存在？

哇哦,随你便吧哈哈哈哈.

[–][TOR ] Pops Mensah-Bonsushakattack917 699 指標 7 天前

Lol imagine if a gun was taken into a locker room in today 's NBA

猛龙球迷：哈哈哈哈,想象一下现在NBA 有人把枪带到更衣室会怎样样啊.

[–]HornetsNamath96 896 指標 7 天前

Prime Gilbert Arenas would be the best shooting guard in the league today

黄蜂球迷：那巅峰阿里纳斯必然能成为现在同盟最强"射击" 后卫.

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[–]drejwalker 663 指標 7 天前

I would rather go 5-77 than Wendell be a bust #TankNation

我甘愿5 胜77 负也不肯意看到温德尔水失落！#摆烂国家.

[–]76ersDesjimbo [S ] 386 指標 7 天前

Why not both

76 人球迷：现实上老铁,这二者可以同时实现.

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[–]PistonsJbob9954 439 指標 7 天前

"Portland Trailblazers - Make no moves ever. Swept in first round"

Isn 't this just a normal prediction ?

活塞球迷：关在开辟者最不幸的工作——这莫非不是一个正常的猜测吗？

[–]76ersDesjimbo [S ] 331 指標 7 天前

Sometimes the truest predictions are the most unfortunate

76 人球迷：有的时辰最真实的猜测就是最不幸的工作啊.

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[–][BKN ] Rondae Hollis-JeffersonExpulsure 184 指標 7 天前

Making the playoffs would be great , the most unfortunate thing that could happen is DLo hurting his knee again , proving his knees are just completely fucked.

篮网球迷：我感觉我网能进季后赛是一件功德,最不幸的工作莫过在丹吉洛-拉塞尔再次弄坏了他的膝盖,然后证实他的膝盖是一个扶不起的阿斗.

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来历：Reddit

编译：万事胜意